After more than 2000 years of silence, God has this afternoon commissioned another series of divine revelations in order to command the users of Facebook to Like and share the page of a psychic medium located in Newbridge, Co. Kildare.
Bernie Stoland, a middle-aged woman who lives in a council estate and does her weekly shop in Dealz, announced on her Facebook page today that she would be communicating with the dead from the hours of 11 AM to 1 PM.
However, she added that she would only be receiving messages for those who Liked and shared her Facebook page.
“Goin to be doin readings soon,” said the 42-year-old mam of six, “like and share my page for a message from the angels xxx”.
Thousands of similarly aged women immediately shared Stoland’s post with their friends, providing a welcome change from their usual wine and Minion memes.
Some have criticised Stoland for what they perceive to be her preying on vulnerable people who have not yet completed the grieving process. However, the medium insists that her readings and predictions are absolutely genuine and that those who doubt her are destined for Hell.
If that is the case, it makes Stoland a messenger of God, putting her in the same rank as Jesus Christ, the saviour of mankind.
This provides a glimmer of hope for society, as it means the psychic medium will soon be crucified.