Cincinnati Zoo: “Fine, We’ll Kill The Child Too”

Cincinnati Zoo: “Fine, We’ll Kill The Child Too”

Having caused outrage with the shooting dead of a gorilla after a young boy fell into its enclosure, the Cincinnati Zoo has today announced it will appease the internet by killing the child also.

The unnamed four-year-old fell into the home of the gorilla – whose name was Harambe – after climbing over the railing and falling fifteen feet.

Fearing for the boy’s life, and with a trainer having taken the last of the tranquilizers for himself the previous night, staff at the zoo had no choice but to shoot the ape dead.

Since the incident, numerous animal rights groups have spoken out and called for a boycott of the zoo.

Speaking to SatIrish Press today, a spokesperson for PETA said:

“They never should have killed that gorilla; Harmabe wouldn’t harm a fly. And if he did feel like murdering the child, they should have let him do it. It’s only natural.”

We would have spoken with the PETA representative for longer, but the psych ward visiting hours came to a close.

In an attempt to win back the public, Cincinnati Zoo have announced plans to track down the child and kill him anyway, news which the internet has met with delight.

The Zoo also detailed plans to sell tickets to the slaughtering of the child, and PETA have already agreed to sponsor the event.

The child’s parents have already secured front row seats, and are looking forward to actually watching their child for once.



About The Author

Terry Norman is a comedian.

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