Disturbing Lack Of Emos In New First Year Class

Disturbing Lack Of Emos In New First Year Class

Teachers at a County Kildare secondary school are today expressing their concern with the lack of emo children in the school’s latest class of First Years.

The staff at Rathangan Post Primary, many of whom have been in the school for over a decade, have seen countless classes of 12-13 year olds come and go, with a worrying decline in the number of My Chemical Romance hoodies and purple checkered gloves every year.

“It’s not like it used to be, back in the good ol’ days,” said First Year English teacher Mr. O’Rourke. “2007”.

 

Over the past couple of years, emos have been replaced by teenagers identifying as LGBT, which isn’t nearly as fun because you can’t bully them and get away with it.

School officials are said to be planning an “emo workshop”, in which they will attempt to teach new First Years the joys of pessimism.

There is also a shortage of chavs, the arch-rivals of emos everywhere. This may be because many have decided to bypass the chav phase and go straight to dropping-out.

A black parade will be held tomorrow evening to honour the emos of years past.

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Terry Norman is a comedian.

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