French Attacks: ISIS Terrorists Actually Just England Fans

French Attacks: ISIS Terrorists Actually Just England Fans

It was revealed today that a large group of troublemaking scallywags wreaking havoc on the French city of Marseille are actually just England supporters and not ISIS terrorists, as originally thought.

The hooligans descended on the city with their stripy Primark shirts and cheap beer for the 2016 Euros, in which England is due to compete and subsequently be knocked out.

Within five minutes of their arrival, the English fans were breaking windows and headbutting each other in a desperate attempt to take their minds off the immense homosexual tension between them.

The 12,828 British males went on to practically demolish the city, destroying a number of lives in the process.

Speaking to this publication today, a French citizen affected by the Euros attacks said:

“It is heartbreaking to see our home treated like this. I mean, we’re getting awfully sick of rebuilding France every couple of months.”

The man, who does not wish to be identified, managed to shoot some video of the English fans chanting, fighting and generally disproving the theory of evolution yesterday evening.

When we showed this footage to an English fan, he declared that the people in the video were “legends” and asked if he could get a copy to send into The LAD Bible.

French authorities are currently discussing how to deal with the rowdy English fans.

Suggestions so far include banning them from attending the Euros, fining them for the damage they cause, or providing them with free tickets for an Eagles of Death Metal concert.

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Terry Norman is a comedian.

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