All Marvel Superheroes Now Black Lesbians

All Marvel Superheroes Now Black Lesbians

The internet is abuzz today following the news that all Marvel superheroes will henceforth be African-American, female, and homosexual.

The announcement was made this afternoon by Marvel Comics chairperson Stan Lee, a rich Caucasian male.

Speaking to a gathering of journalists, the old white guy said:

“It gives me great pleasure to announce all Marvel Superheroes will from now on not only be niggers, but big fucking dykes as well.”

Lee resigned from his post six seconds later, after an online petition demanding he step down reached 500,000 signatures.

The first Marvel superhero to undergo a socially aware makeover will be Thor, a god created by the Scandinavians, who are white.

This will be followed by a repackaging of Spiderman, who will become “Spiderwoman” after being bitten by a radioactive college student.

Finally, The Incredible Hulk will vent her anger on her Tumblr blog when incensed by size shaming in pop culture.

Many film critics are skeptical of Marvel’s abilities to pull off this bold new move, as even their special effects department may not be able to produce such a grand illusion of equality.

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Terry Norman is a comedian.

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