A twenty-one-year-old man was this morning horrified to find that Fergie’s new song is so God awful that he can’t even masturbate to the video.
College student Michael Behan was originally excited to learn Fergie, rapper and black eyed pea, had released a new song.
While he didn’t expect the music or lyrics to be of any artistic merit, he did believe the video would be the perfect material for his daily session of viciously pulling himself.
However, he soon discovered the song was so terrible that he could not become aroused as long as it playing.
Entitled “M.I.L.F $”, the song features Fergie rapping about how she has “milf money”, which she presumably intends to spend in Mother Care.
The video sees Fergie dousing herself in milk in preparation for a visit from notorious milkman/sex machine Pat Mustard.
Twenty seconds into it, Behan realised that he had made a grievous error and clamoured to turn it off. Unfortunately, he could not get a good grip of the mouse as he had already lubed up.
The young man was forced to watched the entire video, which also features a cameo from Kim Kardashian (or at least the three-quarters of her which were not airbrushed out).
After the ordeal had ended, the young man checked himself into Tallaght Hospital, where he was diagnosed as lactose intolerant.