New King Makes Chilling Promise

New King Makes Chilling Promise

king_felipe_vi_waveSPAIN’S NEW KING, Filipe VI, has a difficult job following the abdication of his father.
He swore his oath in Parliament this week and promised an ”honest and transparent” monarchy.
The new monarch then announced that he would help the world to stamp out the illegal killing of unicorns, a practice he said was holding Spain back from being the most perfect nation in the world.
Felipe also spoke of his faith in the unity of Spain. When asked about Catalonia he stated that he liked their first album but Cerys Matthews was no longer easy on the eye.
The new King is also an avid sportsfan and spoke of his disappointment of Spain’s exit from the World Cup. He has promised that he would ensure that Spain would continue to take part in this Brazil 2014 by invading Chile and making it a colony again;

augusto_pinochet”We should never have allowed them independence, I’ll be sending in an army shortly and we will win the World Cup again this year!
I can crush them with my army and my friend Augusto Pinochet will be my eyes and ears on the ground. He will be Lord Protector of the Spanish Dominion of Chile.”

He then said that he was returning to the Royal Palace to think about how he would have his peasants best serve him.


spain_republicMeanwhile on the other side of the city there was large protests by groups of Spanish Republicans. Demonstrators held up purple, red and yellow flags in support of the republican movement.
The monarch is rumoured to have asked why was his Coronation allowed to clash with the Gay Pride festivities.



About The Author

Keith Eyell is the founder and Editor-In-Chief of the satIrish Press. Born at a very young age he went on to become a Father, Husband, Son, Brother, Fighter, Survivor and Eccentric apparently. He has an avid interest in Sports, Comedy, Music and the arts, interests he shares with most people who lack enthusiasm. He claims to have been frank with his sexual partners - He denies that this was an attempt to avoid child maintenance payments. He is also known for writing most of his articles in capitals, this one was written in Dublin.

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