New York Primary: DNC Says Bernie Sanders Supporters Must Cross River Styx Before Voting

New York Primary: DNC Says Bernie Sanders Supporters Must Cross River Styx Before Voting

In the latest in a series of attempts to stifle presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders, the Democratic National Committee has announced that Sanders supporters must cross the river Styx before voting for him in today’s New York primary.

A couple of months ago, New York was considered a sure thing for the establishment’s preferred candidate, hot sauce connoisseur/panderer Hillary Clinton.

Bernie Sanders supporters after crossing the river to the wrong realm of the damned.
Bernie Sanders supporters after crossing the river to the wrong realm of the damned.

In recent weeks, however, Bernie Sanders’ political revolution has been sweeping the eastern states and reminding people that politicians can be, you know, honest.

Because honesty is seen as the ruination of any political party, the Democratic National Committee has been doing everything they can to sabotage Sanders in New York; including deregistering voters, changing polling stations at short notice, and deploying an assembly of flying monkeys.

However, the decision to place voting booths in the realm of Hades has been described as a bit much, even for the DNC.

In order to vote for their candidate, Bernie Sanders supporters must first cross the mythical Greek river of Styx, which will take them through the underworld to Hades, the misty abode of the dead.

To get across the river Styx, one must first pay a fee to Charon, the ferryman of the afterlife. Unfortunately, many Sanders voters will not be able to pay for their ticket as the one-percent has rigged the economy against them.

Crossing Styx will not be a problem for Hillary Clinton supporters, who are already damned souls and probably spend a lot of time in Hades anyway.

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Terry Norman is a comedian.

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