Vatican Accidentally Canonizes Teresa Mannion

Vatican Accidentally Canonizes Teresa Mannion

For the first time since its inception, the Vatican is this evening in damage control mode after Pope Francis accidentally declared RTÉ presenter Teresa Mannion a saint.

The error occurred during what was the supposed to be the canonization ceremony of Catholic MVP Mother Teresa. Mother Teresa dedicated her life to helping the poor, existing on what little money she recieved from donations and her A1A car wash.

Mother Teresa’s many miracles (including saving a pair of runners from the bin after Electric Picnic) were to be recognised this afternoon, though an oversight saw Teresa Mannion canonised instead.

It is not certain just where the screw up came from, but sources inside the Vatican say there was some confusion when Pope Francis instructed his assistants to prepare a ceremony for “That Teresa one who needed all the towels.”

Though she does not have the PR team of Mother Teresa, Teresa Mannion did enjoy a spell of fame late last year when she reported on location, withstanding the powerful winds of a winter storm. After the storm, Mannion built a sizable fan base for herself, as well as an impressive ark.

Though the Vatican cannot reverse the canonization, it will most likely attempt to cover it up.

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Terry Norman is a comedian.

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